I am Capable of More

Have you ever been asked the question "What quality do you like most about yourself?" For years, my response would be "My eyes", "my smile", or even "my personality". But I think after talking with my brother and thinking to myself, I believe that my answer has changed. I now want to be able to tell people that what I love about myself is my ability to "love unconditionally and connect with people" on a much deeper level than others can.

This week has been a long/hard struggle with balancing work, school, and my social life and I just needed to talk with my brother. He is my greatest confidant and I go to him whenever I am unsure of myself, need reassurance, advice, and just someone to listen to me. ( I don't know what I am going to do when he leaves on his mission ) Well, I called him last night asking his advice on a situation that I was caught up in and I felt insecure and unsure of what I thought or felt. He abruptly stopped my muttering and said to me "Linsey, you are capable of more than you can imagine. You love people for who they are and not what they have done. Not everyone can do that. You need to be there for people regardless of their situation." After I stopped and thought about it for a moment, I realized that he was correct. I do connect with people on a deeper level than most and I am able to relate to some of the things that we discuss. I've been bullied, made fun of, and at times felt that I am not worthy of anyone's love. I know what that feels like, and I can't imagine going all the way back to the hopeless feelings such as those. I also have an understanding that people are not perfect and I have no place to judge, that is our Heavenly Father's job, not ours. I may not know everything about every topic of church doctrine or even about life, but I have to rely on my faith and know that I what I am doing and how I am living is correct. Until I return with him someday, I have to rely on my unchanging faith. 

I shared something with my roommate the other night that I find is very fascinating about me and here it is... I honestly have no idea why I was supposed to go to Utah Valley University. I never had a desire to live in Utah County and I despised this place for the first few months that I lived here. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to go to Utah State University just like my parents. However, my senior year, we were at UVU for the state wrestling tournament and as I was walking around campus during one of the breaks, I had and undeniable feeling come to me that would not go away for the remainder of the tournament. The feeling/thought was "This is where you are supposed to go to school. Begin your registration." Once I knew that the thought wasn't just random but was an answer to many prayers, I broke down and cried in the middle of the hallway. I never wanted to come to school here. I didn't want to move to Provo. I wanted to live in Logan just like my parents. 

However, after living here during my second year, I have a really good idea of why I am here. I have met so many wonderful and colorful people here that I would have never have had the opportunity of meeting back in Clinton. I have had experiences here that I couldn't have had anywhere else. Even after wanting to serve a mission and praying about it multiple times and receiving the answer "not yet", I know that right now, my "mission" is to touch the lives of people here in Orem that others may not be able to reach. Also, by helping these people, I am strengthening my testimony and learning to rely on my own faith. In the past year and a half of living on my own, I've learned so much about myself and that I can do hard things. I've loved and lost, I've dealt with hard roommates, I became less active and found my way back, I've provided for myself, and I've learned how to love myself again and have never felt so sure of who I am and whose I am. 

I know that I am a daughter of a royal birthright and that I am capable of many things. I know that certain people are placed in our lives for a season or for the remainder of our earthly life for a reason. I know that I have talents that I may not know I have and I know that the talents I do have can be strengthened. I know that in this earthly life, we were given trials to overcome and with the help of our Father in Heaven, we can do so! How great will be the day when we return to Him and in His loving embrace he says "Well done. I'm proud of you." I cannot wait for that day. This gospel is true and I know it!! Have a happy Sunday everyone!

'till next

-Linsey 

It's been some time

It's been a while since I last posted. This semester just got crazy and a little out of hand. I switched my major again since the last time I wrote, but this time I'm sure it will stay. I've decided to become a communications major with an emphasis in public relations. I love people and building friendships, so what better way to educate myself than to get a degree in something I love!! I'm also still working three jobs in order to pay for my living here away from home. One of them involves me being employed by UVU and planning programs for the complex I am currently at. I love it! And yes, I am still the athletic photographer. 

Last semester, I learned a lot. A lot about myself, the gospel, what I am capable of, what I need to work on, and I also learned how to love. 

About myself, what can I say? I've come a full 180 degrees. This time las year, I was a less active member in my ward and was ready to move home. I needed a friend to reach out to me and reassure me that everything was going to be alright. It wasn't until I decided that I needed to go to church again for me and not because someone invited me. It all started with me deciding to go to our ward prayer for the first time, by myself. I remember sitting among other members in the ward and just feeling the love they had for one another. As I sat by myself, a member of the bishopric came up to me and asked my name and if I was new to the ward. I was mortified that he didn't know who I was and that I had not been active enough for him to know that I had been in the ward for five months. That's when I realized that I wasn't the same person I was when I first moved away to college. I knew things had to change. I began going to every church event I could, both so I could meet people and also so I could feel the Spirit so I could take the peaceful feeling with me as I entered my chaotic and demeaning apartment atmosphere. I soon became the ward prayer chair person and never missed a ward prayer, even if I had visited home, I would go back just for the prayer. I then got called as a relief society instructor. That for me, is honestly one of the most enjoyed callings I have served in. I guess what I am trying to get at, is I've changed a lot spiritually. However, I was talking with a young man today about why Sunday is my favorite day. And I told him " I get to recharge and think about what I can do differently the coming week that I didn't do the previous week". He wanted me to tell him what exactly helps me recharge, and I had to think about it, I still do, so when I have a more elaborate answer, I'll let y'all know. 

This semester I also learned a lot about love and how to love somebody. Yes, I do mean in the lovey-dovey way, but I also mean loving someone as Christ does. Let me start with the latter. I've recently worked really hard to look past things about people that may bother me and to see them as they truly are and treating them as I would like to be treated. I found that as I did this, I was much happier and pleased with not only my social life and how I was able to relate with so many different people, but I was happier and more confident with myself. I felt that by loving others, I was able to better love myself. Now, for the lovey part. Growing up, my friends would make fun of me for being too "boy crazy", and trust me, I think a lot of guys were cute. But I never knew what it was like to love somebody until a guy came into my life. Sure I said I "loved" the kid I kissed on the cheek in the first grade, or I "loved" the cute guy in middle school, or that I "loved" the kid from my home ward who I thought I was someday going to marry, or that I even "loved" a friend I'm writing as he's on his mission. After my experience with this last guy, that's when I really learned how to love, even if it was for only a month or two. One thing I learned was that love will find you when you least expect it. Up until this guy asked me out on a date, I hadn't been on a date for two years. I was nervous, but as we met up at the cafe, lets be real, I was still nervous. We ordered our food and sat down to talk. I learned so much about him and his life back home in Europe. And then the next thing I knew, we had been there for three hours and it was starting to get dark out. I had another  date planned, and I called the other guy and asked for a rain check because I was having so much fun with the guy I was sitting across from. We went back to my apt and hung out until midnight looking up things on the Internet and on YouTube to show each other "weird" things about our countries. At the end of the night, he gave me a hug, no kiss, nothing. And I was astonished. Astonished because he was so respectful of me. In the days to come we would see each other again and watch both Pride and Prejudice and West Side Story together. He exemplifies qualities that I look for in a guy. Respectful, honest, trustworthy, looked past my flaws, and loved me in all of my awkwardness. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I knew that this wouldn't last, even if I thought we could make it work. One, he was leaving to go back to Europe after the end of the semester and two, he is not LDS and I didn't and still do not plan on marrying outside of the covenant. I know that while he was here he read the Book of Mormon and he was taking missionary discussions. I only hope that one day, he will find that the church is true and he will get to experience all the blessings that the gospel has brought into my life. I guess I understand the phrase "it's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". As hard as it was the first few weeks, I'm glad I had the experience because I now have a better idea of how I deserve to be treated and the kind of man that I do want in my life. 

Man, this has been quite possibly the longest blog entry I've ever written. I have more thoughts, but I don't believe y'all could read much longer, so ill try and keep y'all updated with all the new things I am experiencing and the new friends I continue to make. Now, to entertain you with some photos!! 

'Till next

-Linsey 

I've got a pretty rocking roommate :) cyd and I at the multi stake Halloween dance

I got to work with some amazing people 

I took a drawing class and survived with a B+

I learned how to FaceTime with my favorite people! 

I'm in love with my family/brothers and am so grateful I know that I can be with them for eternity. I grow to love and appreciate them more and more each day. 

Lets be real, I have the best roommates!!

I got into the REC program at UVU and am thrilled to begin a new adventure. 

And most importantly, I've grown to love myself, who I am, what I look like, my capabilities, and even my flaws. I've learned to love myself and am beginning to see me the way that others do and the way that my Heavenly Father sees me. 

Making a House a Home

Man, it's sure been a long time since I've written. So much has happened!! I've moved to a new apartment because I am now a Community Ambassador at my complex. I have some wonderful roommates and I sure love them! I've had some amazing experiences that have truly shown me that we create the environment we want/need to live in. By hanging pictures of Christ and various other religious artwork, our home has a different feeling. I always feel safe when I come home to my place. Also, I know that by living the gospel and by going to church regularly, this also brings the Spirit into our home. It's been amazing! I know that I always want our place to feel safe so that people we know can come here as a haven and to know that they are protected. Just some random rambling, but I hope I got my point across. Anyway, here are some pictures of our cute apt. Enjoy!

 First off, this is my private room! It's a tad messy, but you get the jist. Because I am a Community Ambassador, my rent is paid for and I get my own room. *Note: that is a KING size bed!! my goodness

 I get both sides of the closet! More room for my clothes.

 This is the view you would see after walking in our main door. The Living Room and Kitchen. We are pretty dang good at decorating.

 Here is what our tiny kitchen looks like. It's small, but very functional.

Um, be jealous. This is the view from outside my bedroom window. I wake up to this everyday. It's beautiful. This is our courtyard where we hold the movie nights and where we will have our dance next week!

Finding Him...

Since it is now summer, if I am not working, I am not doing anything. So, I've dedicated a lot of this time trying to better myself by working on self confidence, reading my scriptures more regularly, and staying in touch with a lot of my friends back home and those on missions. Another thing I have spent a lot of time doing is watching a LOT of chick flicks. I love a good, romantic, love story. In fact, I know that someday I will have the opportunity to live my own "Happily Ever After."

“What we love determines what we seek. What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determines who we are — and who we will become.” 
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

By watching these movies and meeting some amazing young men in the different organizations I am a part of, I have had the opportunity to reflect on my own ideas about marriage. Although I am not dating, why shouldn't I be able to think of this peculiar topic? Ha! Peculiar! Most girls dream of this day from a very young age, and a lot of girls already know a lot about the details they want for their own wedding! Here, I'll share some of mine. :)

I want my wedding dress to be slimmer fit, with three quarter length sleeves, a slight collar, and all lace. It is just so elegant, isn't it?!

And of course...for the ring...I was a vintage styled wedding ring. Somewhat like this... :) Beautiful, isn't it? 

Wouldn't this be a beautiful cake topper? And...it would be the start of my own Willow Tree collection!!

I think to go a long with my vintage wedding theme, this cake would go perfectly!

I used to want a fall wedding, but as of lately, I've decided that I want a spring or summer wedding. Therefore, I need to have springy colors right?! So, my colors will be peach, mint, and gray :) 

Wouldn't this make a perfect bridesmaid dress? 

Stylish refreshments!

I also like these gray dresses for bridesmaid dresses :) 

And...ofcourse...I want to get married in the temple :) 

As important as these kinds of plans are, the most important is my desire to get married in the temple and the process that it will take to get there. Ever since I was a young girl, I learned that the LDS temple was a place where people could go to get married and still be married after death. No other place than the temple could do this for couples. It wasn't until I got a little older and I learned how important marriage is and how sacred this covenant is that I decided for myself that this place is where I want to be married. Growing up as a young woman in the church, we were often asked to make a list of qualities that we wanted in a future husband. 

Many went as such:

-Blonde hair

-Blue eyes

-Returned Missionary

-Wants to be married in the temple

and of course...my favorite

-A british accent... :) 

Now that I am older, in college, and have dated a few different guys, I've learned what qualities I really do find important in a future spouse, and even those qualities I look for in the young men that I date. 

-A returned missionary is preferred

-A young man who loves me for all of my strengths and for all of my weaknesses. 

-Someone that I can talk to about anything and everything. We could stay up laying or sitting on the couch talking about our hopes, dreams, past, and desires. 

-Someone who has remained pure before marriage and will be able to give their all to me. 

-A man who honors his priesthood and has a desire to exercise the authority that he is blessed with. 

-someone who wants, and loves children. 

-And most importantly, a young man who is worthy to take me to the temple. 

Now, you have to understand...I have quite a few more qualifications on my list, but a blog is not a place to list all of them. I also recognize that I can't expect to find a young man fitting all of these qualifications if I am not preparing myself right now. I've always been taught that a good relationship and a celestial marriage begins way before the actual engagement. I need to make sure I am worthy and living the gospel fully before I can expect to get married or meet that special someone. 

I guess you could say these are a few thoughts that are running through my mind this late at night. I am so very grateful for the knowledge I have gained over my youth through conversations with my young women's group, my parents, friends, and even with some of my closest guy friends. I am so thankful for the opportunity to spend eternity with my best friend (whenever I find him), and to return to my Father in Heaven. This gospel is one of hope, growth, and an opportunity to show and express our desire to return to our Father by following his commandments, fulfilling our covenants, and bearing some of the hardest trials in our life. This is an amazing gospel and I know it to be true, and I have my own burning desire to become the best I can be and to return to my Father in Heaven and to His kingdom above. I KNOW that I am a daughter of royal birth and that I am His daughter. I matter, and I am of infinite worth. 

'Till next...

-Lins

I should be studying.....

I should be studying....but I have a lot on my mind... One of which involves me cleaning my room... Another is how on earth I am going to pay for a camera that is $1,300 and a lens that is the same amount as the camera... I have two sessions that I am scheduled to do when I go home next. This will help improve my photography skills, and earn money towards that camera. If any of you need seniors, missionary, family, or any other kinds of photos taken, let me know and I would be glad to do them. I will need to charge a small fee, but it's not much compared to all of the other photographers out there. Plus, you get ALL of the photos on a cd and they are released to you. Anyway, I am proud of my work, so I think I'll show off for a minute...

Alright, that's enough bragging for now. I've also been thinking a lot about my summer and how busy I am going to be!! Between working a part time job for Vivint and a part time job on campus as an Orientation Leader, I will also be a Community Ambassador for the complex that I live at!! I will be tremendously busy. But I know it will be worth it and those jobs are just a means to an end. Guess what!! I get to go on a trip to Disneyland with the other Orientation Leaders!! I am so excited to spend time with them and to get to know them better as well.

One last thing to talk about today, that I was supposed to talk about last week, is the one year anniversary since my grandmother passed away. On April 16, my Grandmother Petersen passed away unexpectedly. I remember the day so clearly and know that I will remember all the details for the rest of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I was closer to her than any of my other extended family. From the time I was a little kid until the final months of her life, she attended all of my events! These included my baptism, endless dance recitals, track meets, and choir concerts. She always lived within two streets of my house and I spend many afternoons in her house talking with her or out in the garden picking fruits and vegetables as we talked about the goings on at school and in my life. She was and still is an amazing example to me and the rest of my family. She was always so selfless and was willing to do anything for anyone. As a child, I had many headaches and other multiple health problems. Because mom was at work, I was able to call and ask Grandma to bring me some ibuprofen. Most of the time, she was able to do that for me. Another thing I remember is how strong she was in the gospel and how she lived the gospel. I hardly ever heard her utter an ill word toward anyone, and if she did, she was quick to apologize about it. She always read her scriptures and said her prayers. I remember her always talking about genealogy and how important it is to do it. I used to just shrug it off and try to get out of doing it with her because I would much rather play outside. Now I wish I would have spent time doing so.
I am so very grateful for the knowledge I have about life after death and how I know that we will be together again. I can't imagine what it is like to believe that death is the end; but I am grateful for what I have been taught. It's amazing to know that she is watching over me and to know that even though she may not physically be at my future events, she will be there spiritually. It's taken a year to get to the point that I am right now, and I know that I am still in the healing process. Coping with a loved one passing away doesn't happen overnight, but it takes years and even into the rest of a person's life. But I know that through the Atonement of Christ, we will be able to feel the peace and comfort that we need. We can't do this alone and we need our Savior's help. Ask him for comfort, for understanding, and for peace of mind. He will always answer.
Below I have added some pictures of my grandmother, her garden, and other memories I have of her. Enjoy.
Until next time
-Linsey

My cousin Julie, myself, and my grandma at Conference Breakfast

My grandma and great uncle Willie (her brother) 

All the siblings at the funeral 

Each family member put a flower on the casket

Part of my grandma's garden. 

This picture was taken a week before she passed away. This was the last picture that was taken with both of us in a picture together. 

Trials

Today did start off any different than any other Sundays. I got up, worked on a bit of homework, ate, got ready for church, then left for church....alone. This is a very regular occasion. I often sit by myself during all three blocks of church. However, recently I have tried a few new tactics in order to meet new people. Instead of sitting by myself, I ask someone new if I can sit by them. And I usually try to do this for each meeting. The goal is to meet three new people each week. By doing this, I have met a lot of wonderful new people!! I also have been attending ward prayer every Sunday night at 9. None of my roommates like going or want to go, so I yet again attend alone. It took me a few weeks until I made more of an effort to sit by different people at ward prayer, because I normally sat by the same people.
Now, regarding the title of this blog post "Trials." This was the title of our lesson today in Relief Society and boy let me tell you, I sure needed this lesson. It really helped me to think. Heavenly Father places many difficult trials in our lives for many different reasons. One of which, that I most appreciate, is so that once our trial and difficult times are passed, we are able to better appreciate those sweeter moments when life is wonderful and there are not any troubles. Another, is to better prepare us for Celestial Glory and to enter into the Kingdom of God. These trials are tailored to our daily lives in order to make us stronger.
                           "...He even indicates that some of the weaknesses and infirmities given to us can actually     become a strength to us. It is in our weakness and extremity that God’s power is fully felt. Only when, of ourselves, we are helpless is His help truly appreciated." Neal A. Maxwell

I've had quite a few trials of my own while living here. Up until my senior year of high school, I only planned on one university to attend, and that was Utah State University. Both of my parents graduated from there as well as many of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It wasn't until February of that year that I began to feel differently. I remember after walking around the campus of Utah Valley University one day during a break of the Utah Wrestling State Championships (I was a wrestling manager for four years), I had a feeling and heard "voices" telling me that this is the school I needed to be at. I shook the feeling away and moved on with the rest of my day and eventually my week. Later I finally decided to talk with my mom about what happened. I distinctly remember crying to her as I told her that I was not supposed to go to USU, but to UVU. I never even considered moving south!! Especially to Utah County. Where I am from, we talk about Utah County almost in a negative way and how they live in their own "bubble." 
Now, after living here for eight months and away from home, I am here to say that it is a trial that I am supposed to endure. I will admit, I still call my mom every day, and if I don't, well....that never happens. I always call her without fail. While I have good days and bad days, one question always lingers on my mind that has not yet been answered; "Why am I here? I am unhappy here, yet I KNOW this is where I am supposed to be." Even though I have not gotten a sure answer to these questions, I know that by trusting in the Lord and leaning upon the leaders of my ward, it has sure been easier to get through some very rough times. 
Anyway, I hope your Sunday was as fantastic as mine and that you all learned something during your church lessons. 'Till next, 
       -Linsey 

Freshman Fifteen...?

I never thought that I would be a product of the "Freshman Fifteen." However, my first semester of college was extremely hard for me due to a drastic lifestyle change. I now was not spending 8 hours in a classroom and I was spending a lot of time in my apartment  I never really had a problem with eating when I lived at home. I was pretty conscious about what I ate and how much I ate. I did really well for the first two months, then after getting home from late night games for the Athletic Department, I was starving because I hadn't eaten, so I binged when I got home. It became a regular habit  and I found myself becoming even more upset with myself. So, this is the reason that I am really going to focus on losing weight, eating healthier, and creating a more active lifestyle for myself. I feel like I need someone to answer to each week or else I won't follow through with my plan. My goal is to loose 25 pounds (which is ideal for my height and age). I also made a deal with myself that once I loose that weight, then I will cut my hair. It's getting a little too long and unmanageable  So, it's my motivation. Until next time,
-Linsey

Short one on the right ;) 

After about two months in college. Turning into a chunk. :( 

And Ta-Da!! This is the body I want to go back to. Also, this is the haircut I want again. :)