Updates, Work, & Love Life.....or lack thereof......

Man, it's hard to believe that we are almost through May! Where on earth has the time gone?! Well, this month has already seen a lot of ups and downs. On the plus, I got to take pictures for the WAC Track Championships held here at our UVU campus! It was pretty hard seeing that the day was long and physically draining. Also, my brother (Kaden) is extremely close to submitting his mission papers! I started working full time at Boostability, tried a summer class and quit the first day because it was so difficult. Saw my first huge paycheck from working full time and am completely satisfied. We said goodbye to a roommate that moved and welcomed the RA that's replacing me. There have been so many great and new people moving into our ward and I will be sad to leave them in August. I'm trying to workout more and become the best that I can be. And......Kaden graduates high school next week!! How crazy is that?!

Because I have a lot of friends that ask about this: Dating in Utah County, is still....hard. Whether you try to date members or non-members. I'm only 20 and if I had a dime for every time someone from back home asked me if I was dating anyone yet, I'd be rich. I've gone on many dates, but haven't "clicked" with someone enough that we saw more of each other.

I've learned a lot over the past few months of dating though. (Isn't it amazing the things you learn when you live on your own and make decisions for yourself?) You know that list we all made when we were younger? The list of traits we want in a future spouse or girl/boy friend? Yea, the one I still look at frequently. Well, I've learned that you can find someone with all of those traits, and yet you still wouldn't be truly happy with them and it may not work out. Instead, it's better to have a few basic qualities that are a must and then be open to all the others. Like, a few of mine that I have chosen are: 1) Must be a worthy priesthood holder and honors that privilege 2) Wants to get married in the temple and have a family. 3) Has completed or is working towards some form of higher education  4) Is financially stable, responsible, and debt free (except for student loans. Those are understandable) 5) Is willing to treat me as his equal and be my partner in crime for eternity. Dating in general is hard and it's not always going to be easy. It's important to stick to your values and what you believe to be right/true. The person you end up dating and marrying shouldn't make you feel like you have to compromise that belief system.

Along with dating and such, I had a pretty eye opening experience this past month worth sharing. Anyone who knows me, can tell you that I am a very religious person and I stand up for what I believe in, no matter what situation I may be in. It's never been hard for me to do. Well, there was this guy that I was trying to see and possibly date seriously, but I had a feeling it may not work because he is not LDS. He told me numerous times that he wanted to date a Mormon girl and convert. I would simply say to him each time that he needed to convert for himself and not for the girl because that relationship would be destined to fail. After spending numerous hours together that amounted to a week, someone had to talk about the elephant in the room. It was he who brought it up. He proceeded to tell me that night how much he liked me and wanted to make things work, but he wanted me to go home and think about it to make sure that it was what I wanted. Who was he kidding?! I did want it to work out! Or did I....? I didn't even seem to know. After talking with my roommate that night for about two hours, we decided that he wasn't the one for me and it would be best if we didn't pursue each other.  That was the plan. The next morning, I texted him and told him that I did want to be with him. To make sure we were clear when talking to eachother, we decided to talk about it in person. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted to be with me and how I'm a special girl and he wants things to work and yet again he told me that he wants to date a Mormon girl and convert, which I yet again proceeded to tell him that he has to convert for the right reasons. He then cut me off and rudely replied, "I don't want to hear any of your Mormon doctrine... you really are crazy" At that moment, I was beginning to loose interest. How could he speak like that to me. Before I could defend myself he continued to tell me that "You need to learn that there is much more to life than religion and God." I knew at that very moment that things weren't going to work out and that I needed to say one more thing before letting him go. He stood up to hug me and I pushed him away and replied, "Not for me. Religion and God is my life. My religion explains why I am living life here." I knew with everything in my being that I deserved so much better than what he had to offer. The last thing that he said to me was "You are never going to get anywhere in life with that attitude." As I watched him walk off, I wasn't mad. I didn't cry. Instead, I was sad for him. He used my religion as an excuse not to date me and couldn't see that I was trying to be open and understanding of him. While silently, he couldn't stand that I know exactly what I want/deserve from someone. Our paths have crossed a few times since then and it's been a little bit weird. I still care to be friends with him because I genuinely care about how he is doing.

If this post ever reaches him, I would want him to know that I do care for him and that I had the best time whenever I was with him because my insecurities seemed to go away. I'm not perfect, and I know that. I don't always say things eloquently, but I hope one day he can see and understand where I was coming from. I hope that one day he will find the gospel for himself and then he can see why it makes me so happy. I told him one of the first days we spent time together that I would want to help someone convert so that they can feel the same happiness I feel from the gospel and all of the blessings I have received. I hope that if you for some reason can't seem to believe what I do, I hope that you will come to respect me for the values and belief system I have. You don't need to agree with me, but I would ask that you would respect me as I respected you. And I hope one day you will find that special girl that will complete your life. Maybe, and just maybe, we could reconnect again.

It's been quite the month already and I know that there are many more lessons I will be learning with the connections I make with people on a daily basis. I'll keep ya'll updated with kaden and when he gets his call, my summer adventures, and the random life lessons I tend to learn ALL the time. Stick to your guns and never accept less than you deserve. Until next,

-Linsey

What Tinder Taught Me

It all started out with my roommate and I sitting in our living room one August night, bored out of our minds. We were sick of going to the hot tub, watching movies, going out to eat, or even just talking with one another. As we contemplated what we should do for the night, she asked me if I had heard of an app called "Tinder". She went on to explain to me that it was some sort of dating app that you can swipe right or left to people. After a few minutes of talking about how weird the concept was, we both turned on our phones and downloaded the app. We created a profile with a catchy tagline and cute photos. It started off with us just laughing at the weird looking guys, what pictures they had, and gushing over really attractive guys. Downloading the app began as a joke. 10 months later, it's not so much a joke anymore.

I've learned a lot about this app and using it for dating in the past ten months. I still use it on a daily basis and for dating reasons. I don't get asked out by guys at school or even in my ward. I don't often have guys make a pass at me, but this way, I've met so many more guys and have gone on so many more dates than if I wasn't on it. So, what have I learned? Well, here it is:

~Everyone has a "type" | meaning you like certain physical attributes and features of others. I always thought I was pretty open minded. False. I tend to like and "swipe" to blonde hair with blue eyes. Not always, but often.

~When it comes to this app, we are all very shallow | I used to read every tagline, but now I've found myself just swiping. If I think he's physically attractive, I like him. Shallow.... I know....

~There isn't an easy way to start a conversation with a complete stranger | honestly, a simple "hey" or "how are you doing" goes much farther than trying to drop a pick up line. Trust me. Boys/Men, consider actually looking at the girl's tagline and ask her questions about it. Spark conversation.

~If there are two guys in the main photo, chances are that the actual guy is going to be less attractive | been there, learned that. Swipe at your own discretion.

~Girls, if a guy messages you late at night, he's probably only wanting a hookup | use your common sense and listen to your instincts.

~You can meet someone from Tinder, and they wont kill you | people think that this app is really really sketchy, which, it can be. I've met 9 guys in those ten months and only 2 of the 9 were bad news, and I am still in contact with 4 of them.

~It seems like every guy in Utah County loves hitting the gym or being outdoors

~Guys, just because my profile says I love sports and I'm the athletic photographer for UVU, doesn't mean I have a rocking body or that I'll be your gym buddy, sorry | if I had a penny for every time a guy asked me how often I workout, I'd be rich.

~Tinder is an automatic ego boost | don't believe me? just wait until you "match" with someone...and he's very attractive. Even on my worst days, I feel better for a few seconds when I see a new notification.

~Tinder taught me to take chances | I met with guys I normally wouldn't give myself a chance with because I thought they were way too attractive for me. I also learned how to trust myself and if I felt comfortable with people and situations.

~Some of the guys you meet can become close friends | many of the guys I went on dates with were wonderful, but something was missing. So we often didn't want to pursue each other to date. Instead, we still kept in contact, texted, messaged, saw each other in person and established a friendship. These boys are some that I've gone to if I need dating advice or someone to talk to and visa versa.

~Tinder can be what you make of it | if you are looking for a hookup, you'll be finding all of the guys that just want to make out. If you are looking to date and possibly meet someone, then you will find them. It's the way that you portray yourself on your profile and the way that you talk with your matches on the app. Be smart with what details you post and be aware of the persona you are putting out there.

I think that Tinder is both a great thing and an evil thing. It's much like the internet. You can use it for good, or use it for evil. I know of couples that met on Tinder and I recently had a friend who just got married to a man she met on the app and they are some of the happiest people I know!

-Linsey

Love is in Action

Now before I go on my little tangent and tell ya'll my feelings about the title above, let me give you all a little update with pictures!!

 So we started the week off right by going to Applebee's on Tuesday for Karaoke Night! We had a blast and Dakota even got up and sang with our waiter Wes! I love it when we all are able to get together and have fun!

 Then on Wednesday, I was in my Interpersonal Communications class, we learned about self esteem and seeing ourselves in a positive light. On the left we were to wright flaws about ourselves that we see and even some names or things that people have said to us. Then, on the right we were to write positive things about ourselves. At first it was hard to find positive things to write, but then it got a lot easier and I was able to see that I am awesome and I am worth it and that I am capable of much more than I could imagine.

 Then on Friday, I was able to attend an info session at the Church Office Building in Salt Lake for an internship that I am applying for during the summer. It was really neat to think that I could work in the same building as the Prophet!! Anyway, keep me in your prayers because I would really love this internship and it would pay me while gaining great skills that will help me in the future. Plus, I would get to work in a really great environment.

 And of course, if you are at Temple Square, you have to take a picture by the temple!! (I'm going there someday by the way) And since I hadn't met up with my mom yet, it had to be a selfie (sorry)!!

 Sooooo while I was there I got to meet up with my mom and two of my brothers!! Oh how I love them and it was amazing to see them!! Ah! They make me homesick sometimes!

 And today, I got to hang out with my old roommates to watch the Super Bowel! It was so fun to hang out with them and catch up! This beaut is Emily and she was the one I actually shared a room with. Bless her heart, she was able to put up with me for a whole year.

 This picture isn't from this week, but allow me to introduce you all to Shane! He is the other photographer for UVU! He is pretty much the coolest/nicest guy you will ever meet!!

And lastly, here is the beginnings to a package that I am sending to one of my closest friends that is on a mission and is almost to his year mark! It's crazy how time flies by!!



Now, for the good part: Last Sunday while we were sitting in Sacrament Meeting, Erica (my roommate) leaned over to me and showed me her phone and said "You have to read this talk". I gave it a glance and didn't think about it again until today. I asked her what it was called and she pulled it up on her phone and let me read it during one of our meetings. After reading it, I thought how it would make a wonderful blog topic, so Ta-Da!! I give to you the inspiration for my blog post today: The talk was given by Marvin J Ashton in 1975 and it is titled "Love Takes Time" and I suggest you read it! I'm not going to go over a lot of the talk, but some of my favorite parts and how it has recently applied to my life. You can read the talk by going to this website http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1975/10/love-takes-time?lang=eng  .
So, have ya'll heard of the five love languages? Well, if not, it's how a person expresses their love for other people. The five languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. For me, my love languages in order are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and receiving gifts. By reviewing these five we learn that love is more than a hug or a kiss or words of affirmation: it is much more than that. During the duration of the talk, this is exactly what Marvin J Ashton is getting at and the two main principles that I took away from it were "Love is in Action" and "Love takes time", whether that be love for a friend, a family member, a member of the ward, anyone you come across, and even in a romantic relationship.

"Real love takes time, patience, help, and continuing performance" -Marvin J Ashton

Earlier this week, I came in contact with a young man that shared a lot of interests with me! We began to talk everyday and at a regular basis throughout the day. After a numerous days of talking with one another and developing a "friendship" I found myself beginning to "like" him, I mean he was LDS, a returned missionary, almost finished with school, attractive, witty and seemingly respectful. We ended up hanging out this weekend three consecutive days in a row and I felt that we had a lot of fun together! I feel that I can be my goofy, loud and obnoxious self when I was around him. I felt comfortable in my own skin and confident in myself and who I am, which is a big deal because I haven't really felt like that in a long time. Sure, I said the same thing in the last few blog posts, but this guy helped me see that it's okay to be weird and different than everyone else around. This weekend I was just floored with how respectful he was of me and how genuine he was in conversation and his actions. After seeing him for numerous hours the first two days, I got the opportunity to talk with my cousin on Saturday morning about him and she said exactly this to me, "He sounds wonderful, perfect almost. Keep seeing him and see where things could lead. However, be patient and don't rush into things. Don't ruin the friendship you have with him." As I pined over her words, part of me was like well if he likes me as much as I think I like him, why take things slow? And the other part of me agreed with her and could see her logic with taking things slowly.
So Saturday afternoon, I got the pleasure of seeing this guy for the third day in a row and we were able to talk about our concerns with one another. We were able to be clear and open when we both described our feelings for one another (seeing that they were very similar) and deciding that we are going to be friends first and that we want to take our romantic relationship slowly. When we came up with this compromise, part of me was really sad because I'm one to rush into things and I would completely want to be in a relationship with him! But as I drove home and thought about it, I genuinely like him as a friend and enjoy being with him. He makes me laugh and I want him in my life regardless if it is as a friend/or in a romantic relationship. (Although we all know how I hope it turns out). But this weekend, I surely learned that a relationship takes time and patience whether it is a friendship or a romantic relationship.

"Love of God takes time. Love of family takes time. Love of country takes time. Love of neighbor takes time. Love of companion takes time. Love in courtship takes time. Love of self takes time."
 -Marvin J Ashton

As you can see from the quote above, any kind of love takes time. But more specifically, I would like to talk about the last one: love of self. I feel that as a kid, I had really high self esteem and accepted myself for who I was. However, that surely faded by the time I hit 6th grade. I danced many years and also spent numerous years on a competition team. Many times I would be teased for the way I looked and would be referred to as "the bigger girl" because I wasn't stick thin like all of the other girls. Unlike them, my body had begun to develop a little early. It got worse as I entered junior high and tried to survive my 7th, 8th, and 9th grade years. Along with poor self esteem, some complications arose when it came to my feelings about my body. As I entered high school, these feelings didn't go away, but heightened as the new pressure of dating was added to the mix. I wanted to make sure I always looked cute and that guys thought highly of me. Obviously, this is very hard for all teenagers to deal with, but I was not doing a great job of it at all. I remember specifically one day during my junior year, I was laying on the couch in our living room and my mom asked me if I was going to go to a party with my friends that I had been invited to. I told her I wasn't. She then continued to remind me that it had been months, if not a year since I went out with friends and had a good time. I had shut out my friends and would rather stay home and not do anything or see anyone. The next week we went to talk with a doctor and found out that I was battling with clinical depression and anxiety. My mom and I never really thought that this was a real phenomenon and wondered why people couldn't just "snap out of it". But now that I was facing it and we saw the influence it had over my life, we came to the realization that it is a horrible disease. It wasn't until I got to college and after having my ups and downs, I finally was able to find myself again. I went to church and learned that so many people love me outside of my family and my roommates. I got a job and was highly involved on campus and saw that I had a purpose and that I was valued. I was able to find the "happy Linsey" that my mom so desperately wanted me to find. However, my love of self didn't come easily, it came with a lot of hard work and by serving others.
Once I began to serve the people in my ward, my concept of self worth bursted to a new height and I truly began to understand the phrase that "I am a daughter of God" and I was able to see I was worth it. Ever since this newfound sense of self, I have stopped taking my medication for depression and anxiety and I feel that I have a better grip on my life and my emotions.

I want you all to know how amazing it feels when you truly love yourself and when you know that you are all sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. Love in any form takes time. Be patient with yourself and with those around you. And when you are patient, wonderful things happen and fall into place the way that they are supposed to.

'Till next
     Linsey