This week has been a long/hard struggle with balancing work, school, and my social life and I just needed to talk with my brother. He is my greatest confidant and I go to him whenever I am unsure of myself, need reassurance, advice, and just someone to listen to me. ( I don't know what I am going to do when he leaves on his mission ) Well, I called him last night asking his advice on a situation that I was caught up in and I felt insecure and unsure of what I thought or felt. He abruptly stopped my muttering and said to me "Linsey, you are capable of more than you can imagine. You love people for who they are and not what they have done. Not everyone can do that. You need to be there for people regardless of their situation." After I stopped and thought about it for a moment, I realized that he was correct. I do connect with people on a deeper level than most and I am able to relate to some of the things that we discuss. I've been bullied, made fun of, and at times felt that I am not worthy of anyone's love. I know what that feels like, and I can't imagine going all the way back to the hopeless feelings such as those. I also have an understanding that people are not perfect and I have no place to judge, that is our Heavenly Father's job, not ours. I may not know everything about every topic of church doctrine or even about life, but I have to rely on my faith and know that I what I am doing and how I am living is correct. Until I return with him someday, I have to rely on my unchanging faith.
I shared something with my roommate the other night that I find is very fascinating about me and here it is... I honestly have no idea why I was supposed to go to Utah Valley University. I never had a desire to live in Utah County and I despised this place for the first few months that I lived here. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to go to Utah State University just like my parents. However, my senior year, we were at UVU for the state wrestling tournament and as I was walking around campus during one of the breaks, I had and undeniable feeling come to me that would not go away for the remainder of the tournament. The feeling/thought was "This is where you are supposed to go to school. Begin your registration." Once I knew that the thought wasn't just random but was an answer to many prayers, I broke down and cried in the middle of the hallway. I never wanted to come to school here. I didn't want to move to Provo. I wanted to live in Logan just like my parents.
However, after living here during my second year, I have a really good idea of why I am here. I have met so many wonderful and colorful people here that I would have never have had the opportunity of meeting back in Clinton. I have had experiences here that I couldn't have had anywhere else. Even after wanting to serve a mission and praying about it multiple times and receiving the answer "not yet", I know that right now, my "mission" is to touch the lives of people here in Orem that others may not be able to reach. Also, by helping these people, I am strengthening my testimony and learning to rely on my own faith. In the past year and a half of living on my own, I've learned so much about myself and that I can do hard things. I've loved and lost, I've dealt with hard roommates, I became less active and found my way back, I've provided for myself, and I've learned how to love myself again and have never felt so sure of who I am and whose I am.
I know that I am a daughter of a royal birthright and that I am capable of many things. I know that certain people are placed in our lives for a season or for the remainder of our earthly life for a reason. I know that I have talents that I may not know I have and I know that the talents I do have can be strengthened. I know that in this earthly life, we were given trials to overcome and with the help of our Father in Heaven, we can do so! How great will be the day when we return to Him and in His loving embrace he says "Well done. I'm proud of you." I cannot wait for that day. This gospel is true and I know it!! Have a happy Sunday everyone!
'till next
-Linsey
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