I Thought I Understood It....

"I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me."

-Like Crazy

This is by far one of my favorite quotes when it comes to talking about love. At first you think that you can grasp what exactly love is and that it is an ideal idea and it's all stars and butterflies. But in reality, once you fall in love with the right person, you realize it is much more complex than you could ever imagine. You learn deep dark bits about yourself, and about the person you find love with. Love isn't perfect, and neither are the two players. You learn from trial and error how you deserve to be treated and who rightfully deserves to be with you.

**At night, I lay alone, in the darkness, thinking, dreaming, and remembering everything so vividly**

As we sat there on my couch, and me, entangled in his arms, we listened to the beating of hearts, the release of breath, and the pur of the fridge. We, avoiding the obvious elephant in the room. What was to happen in a matter of weeks when an entire ocean would separate us? The time that we spent laughing, joking, smiling and spending time with one another; it was real, but was it void? I asked him a foolish question that night that I believe will haunt me for the rest of my life and changed the course of our relationship. After I took him "home" and dropped him off, I drove home realizing that I had changed the way we would speak together.

After all the nights I spent alone after he left, the nights I cried to myself and the numerous times I recounted my story to friends with listening ears, I realized some of the most important truths about love. If you are in love with someone, they should make you feel confident in yourself, who you are (in all of your awkwardness) what you look like, what you dress like, and they should respect your beliefs even if they may not completely agree. The should love every inch of you. All of the stitches and all of the tears. All of your perfections and all of the imperfections. It wasn't until I met him that I realized what "being in love" should feel like and how I deserve to be treated. It's amazing how one experience can change the way that you look at things and how they affect us.

If he reads this, he may think I'm utterly crazy, or he may completely agree with me.

To you:

        I just have to say one thing and it's really important that you just listen to me. I just... It doesn't feel like this, this thing is gonna go away, it's always there. I can't... I can't get rid of it, but I will go on with my life.

**Another chapter in my life has now come to an end**

"What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?

 But if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it.

If you find it, please, seize it. Please.